Move, bitch

Get out da way …

In case anyone thinks I’m being in any way sexist, I am of course referring to the Ludacris song ‘Move Bitch’ that has been co-opted into some of the most hilarious videos I’ve seen.

New York City has a problem. Now, I know it’s not a problem isolated to this particular city, nor even this country. I am also aware that London has its fair share of it too, but I swear it is nowhere near as bad as it is here (despite AJ’s protestations to the contrary. She’s supporting her hometown, I get it. But Jesus Harry Christ people, get the fuck off your phones.

The first day I walked to work, I literally stared around me in wonderment. People were literally shuffling along, or coming staggeringly close to walking into people / lampposts / other street furniture, all because they were staring at their phones. Not even casually glancing at it to check a notification and then putting it away. No. Staring. I walked past someone on her way to work scrolling through Instagram the other morning.

Go the fuck to work! Don’t get me wrong, I love shiny tech as much as the next person. I’ve just re-ordered an iPhone X after waiting a month for Verizon to cock up my order from last month and am very much looking forward to it arriving. I also love Instagram, and enjoy catching up with the news on my morning commute.

But you know when I do these things? On the goddamn train where I’m not going to walk into someone, over someone, or get splattered by a truck. These people are lucky that New York City is the City of the Pedestrian (seriously, why would you ever drive in this place, you’d never get anywhere for the amount of people that will straight up just walk in front of traffic and expect it to stop) otherwise there’d be a high fatality rate.

I always thought the glib social commentary cartoons about how people were engrossed in their phones was an exaggeration, but no. It’s real and it’s here. I honestly cannot think of anything that is so important that I can’t let it wait until I get to my destination or, if it’s that important, why I would be unable to step aside, away from the flow of people and vehicles, to check it in safety.

I suppose this whole post could be surmised as ‘Newsflash: People are dumb and obsessed with pointless things’, but that’s not nearly as fun.

Another few of these and I’ll officially earn my Grumpy Old Man badge.

One thought on “Move, bitch”

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